Father, I am so tired. I'm tired of wanting the best of both worlds. I want to follow You, obey You, trust You, but I also want to follow the desires of the flesh. Jesus said we can't serve two masters, but some days I want to serve two masters so badly, I can't stand it. But Jesus also said that if we love Him, we'll obey His teachings, so I guess what it means is that I don't love Him. Not enough, at least. I'm sorry I don't love Him more, but I want to.
Help me. Help me to love You more, help me to trust You more. Help me to trust that Your ways are better than anything we may find here. Help me to trust You when You promise that You will never allow us to be tempted beyond what we can endure, and that You will always provide a way out. Sometimes I just don't believe You; sometimes I ignore the way out. I'm sorry I don't always believe You. I'm sorry I don't always listen.
But thank You for the Cross. Thank You for dying, and thank You for rising again. Thank You for dying for each and every sin, and thank You for not being caught off-guard when I stumble. But, Lord, I'm so tired of crucifying You. I don't want to be another thorn on the crown. I'm tired of being another hammer blow on the nails. I don't want to be the spear that pierced Your side any longer.
I'm sorry, Lord, but thank You for being patient. You are infinitely more patient than any of us, and, truthfully, Lord, I don't get it, but thank You. Lord, I know Your ways are better than mine, please give me the endurance to live out what I know. Don't lead me into temptation, Father, but deliver me from evil so that I may be part of Your will here on earth, just as Your will is being done in heaven.
Thank You, Lord, for being You.
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