A Prayer for Today (And Tomorrow. And, Probably, the Day After That, Too)

Father, I am so tired.  I'm tired of wanting the best of both worlds.  I want to follow You, obey You, trust You, but I also want to follow the desires of the flesh.  Jesus said we can't serve two masters, but some days I want to serve two masters so badly, I can't stand it.  But Jesus also said that if we love Him, we'll obey His teachings, so I guess what it means is that I don't love Him.  Not enough, at least.  I'm sorry I don't love Him more, but I want to. 

Help me. Help me to love You more, help me to trust You more.  Help me to trust that Your ways are better than anything we may find here.  Help me to trust You when You promise that You will never allow us to be tempted beyond what we can endure, and that You will always provide a way out.  Sometimes I just don't believe You; sometimes I ignore the way out. I'm sorry I don't always believe You.  I'm sorry I don't always listen.

But thank You for the Cross.  Thank You for dying, and thank You for rising again.  Thank You for dying for each and every sin, and thank You for not being caught off-guard when I stumble.  But, Lord, I'm so tired of crucifying You.  I don't want to be another thorn on the crown.  I'm tired of being another hammer blow on the nails.  I don't want to be the spear that pierced Your side any longer.

I'm sorry, Lord, but thank You for being patient.  You are infinitely more patient than any of us, and, truthfully, Lord, I don't get it, but thank You.  Lord, I know Your ways are better than mine, please give me the endurance to live out what I know.  Don't lead me into temptation, Father, but deliver me from evil so that I may be part of Your will here on earth, just as Your will is being done in heaven. 

Thank You, Lord, for being You.       

Obedience

Lately, I've been struggling with obedience, not just in one area, but in every area of my life.  The more I resolve to obey, the harder and faster I fall.  The problem, I think, is that I'm trying to obey; more specifically, I spend my time asking God to help me obey.  This is a problem because what it does is put my sin at the center of my life while, at the same time, still leaves me in control.  It's counter-intuitive to think that resolving to obey would cause me to sin, but if my sin remains the center of my life, then it becomes my god, because constantly thinking negatively about my sin is still constantly thinking about my sin.  Ask any Christian if he or she is happy with their obedience, and, if they are honest, they will tell you "no."  This is because they keep trying to obey - which is both good and possible (see Deuteronomy 30) - but most of us as Christians are trying to obey for the sake of obedience, rather than for the sake of Jesus.  History - both world history and my own personal history - has proven that.   


Here's the cool thing, though:  as disciples of Jesus, we have the Holy Spirit indwelling in us, right?  I mean, God resides in us.  If we can count on God to do one thing, it's for Him to be obedient to Himself.  So why on earth are we trying to do something we can't accomplish, when we've got God Almighty Himself willing and able to be obedient?  Maybe we don't need to try harder, and maybe we don't need His help.  Maybe we just need to get out of the way and let Him work.  After all, isn't that what surrender really is?


Think about it this way:  if I'm steering the car on my own, then I'm in control, right?  Years of addiction, anger, laziness, and greed have proven that to be a disaster.  So I become a disciple of Jesus, I invite Him into the passenger's seat, and I ask Him for direction.  That's what we do - let Him guide us.  The problem is that I'm still steering the car.  He might say, "Slow down," but I can still floor it.  He might tell me to turn right, but I can still ignore Him and turn left.  If I have any shot at all of getting to where I need to be (and staying away from places where I have no business being), it seems like I need to get out from behind the wheel and let Him drive.


"My grace," God tells Paul, "is sufficient."  I think we usually take that as meaning that God's grace is given to us so that we can be forgiven.  And that's certainly part of it, make no mistake, but God's grace is also Him.  It's His presence in our lives, not leading us, but living in us.  So maybe obedience isn't so much about walking with Christ, or resolving to give up sin, or praying harder.  Maybe obedience is about falling on our faces and admitting that we are poor in spirit - spiritually bankrupt before God, with no hope on our own - and letting Him pick us up and carry us.  He will, after all, obey Himself.

Lessons Learned From My Toddler

My daughter has been having trouble lately with obedience.  Now, she's only two, so I don't expect things to be perfectly unicorn-rainbow happy 100% of the time.  But still, shouldn't she know, by now, that we're going to brush her teeth at night, whether she wants us to or not?  We've only been doing it for 18 months.


Shouldn't she know, by now, that she can't stay in her pajamas all day?


Shouldn't she know, by now, that we're going to give her a bath?


Shouldn't she know, by now, that telling us "no" is more likely to get her disciplined, rather than a reprieve from whatever it is she's protesting?


Shouldn't she know, by now, that obeying us is better for her, because we have her best interests at heart?


The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that God probably gives us toddlers so that we'll better understand what it's like for Him to deal with us.  After all, shouldn't I know, by now, that spending time in prayer is vital to my walk with God?


Shouldn't I know, by now, that I can't watch certain television shows without stumbling?


Shouldn't I know, by now, that I can't afford for my time in the Word to be superficial?


Shouldn't I know, by now, that telling God "no" is more likely to produce unpleasant consequences, than a reprieve from whatever it is I'm protesting?


Shouldn't I know, by now, that obeying is better for me, because He has my best interests at heart?


So, yes, my daughter is having some trouble with obedience, but, then again, aren't we all?