Obedience

Lately, I've been struggling with obedience, not just in one area, but in every area of my life.  The more I resolve to obey, the harder and faster I fall.  The problem, I think, is that I'm trying to obey; more specifically, I spend my time asking God to help me obey.  This is a problem because what it does is put my sin at the center of my life while, at the same time, still leaves me in control.  It's counter-intuitive to think that resolving to obey would cause me to sin, but if my sin remains the center of my life, then it becomes my god, because constantly thinking negatively about my sin is still constantly thinking about my sin.  Ask any Christian if he or she is happy with their obedience, and, if they are honest, they will tell you "no."  This is because they keep trying to obey - which is both good and possible (see Deuteronomy 30) - but most of us as Christians are trying to obey for the sake of obedience, rather than for the sake of Jesus.  History - both world history and my own personal history - has proven that.   


Here's the cool thing, though:  as disciples of Jesus, we have the Holy Spirit indwelling in us, right?  I mean, God resides in us.  If we can count on God to do one thing, it's for Him to be obedient to Himself.  So why on earth are we trying to do something we can't accomplish, when we've got God Almighty Himself willing and able to be obedient?  Maybe we don't need to try harder, and maybe we don't need His help.  Maybe we just need to get out of the way and let Him work.  After all, isn't that what surrender really is?


Think about it this way:  if I'm steering the car on my own, then I'm in control, right?  Years of addiction, anger, laziness, and greed have proven that to be a disaster.  So I become a disciple of Jesus, I invite Him into the passenger's seat, and I ask Him for direction.  That's what we do - let Him guide us.  The problem is that I'm still steering the car.  He might say, "Slow down," but I can still floor it.  He might tell me to turn right, but I can still ignore Him and turn left.  If I have any shot at all of getting to where I need to be (and staying away from places where I have no business being), it seems like I need to get out from behind the wheel and let Him drive.


"My grace," God tells Paul, "is sufficient."  I think we usually take that as meaning that God's grace is given to us so that we can be forgiven.  And that's certainly part of it, make no mistake, but God's grace is also Him.  It's His presence in our lives, not leading us, but living in us.  So maybe obedience isn't so much about walking with Christ, or resolving to give up sin, or praying harder.  Maybe obedience is about falling on our faces and admitting that we are poor in spirit - spiritually bankrupt before God, with no hope on our own - and letting Him pick us up and carry us.  He will, after all, obey Himself.